Heart of the Wilderness

  Heart of the Wilderness

  Books by Janette Oke

  Return to Harmony • Another Homecoming

  Tomorrow’s Dream

  ACTS OF FAITH*

  The Centurion’s Wife • The Hidden Flame • The Damascus Way

  CANADIAN WEST

  When Calls the Heart • When Comes the Spring

  When Breaks the Dawn • When Hope Springs New

  Beyond the Gathering Storm

  When Tomorrow Comes

  LOVE COMES SOFTLY

  LOVE COMES SOFTLY • Love’s Enduring Promise

  Love’s Long Journey • Love’s Abiding Joy

  Love’s Unending Legacy • Love’s Unfolding Dream

  Love Takes Wing • Love Finds a Home

  A PRAIRIE LEGACY

  The Tender Years • A Searching Heart

  A Quiet Strength • Like Gold Refined

  SEASONS OF THE HEART

  Once Upon a Summer • The Winds of Autumn

  Winter Is Not Forever • Spring’s Gentle Promise

  SONG OF ACADIA*

  The Meeting Place • The Sacred Shore • The Birthright

  The Distant Beacon • The Beloved Land

  WOMEN OF THE WEST

  The Calling of Emily Evans • Julia’s Last Hope

  Roses for Mama • A Woman Named Damaris

  They Called Her Mrs. Doc • The Measure of a Heart

  A Bride for Donnigan • Heart of the Wilderness

  Too Long a Stranger • The Bluebird and the Sparrow

  A Gown of Spanish Lace • Drums of Change

  www.janetteoke.com

  * with Davis Bunn

  HEART OF THE

  WILDERNESS

  Janette Oke

  Heart of the Wilderness

  Copyright © 1993

  Janette Oke

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

  Published by Bethany House Publishers

  11400 Hampshire Avenue South

  Bloomington, Minnesota 55438

  www.bethanyhouse.com

  Bethany House Publishers is a division of

  Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan.

  Ebook edition created 2011

  ISBN 978-1-5855-8741-4

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

  To those I lean on

  throughout the writing process—

  Mrs. Katherine Hamm,

  who never ceases to assure me

  that she is praying for me

  Bethany House Publishers’ Staff,

  who gently prod me

  through each new endeavor

  My family members,

  who understand and encourage

  And especially Edward,

  my constant supporter,

  companion and friend.

  JANETTE OKE was born in Champion, Alberta, to a Canadian prairie farmer and his wife, and she grew up in a large family full of laughter and love. She is a graduate of Mountain View Bible College in Alberta, where she met her husband, Edward, and they were married in May of 1957. After pastoring churches in Indiana and Canada, the Okes spent some years in Calgary, where Edward served in several positions on college faculties while Janette continued her writing. She has written forty-eight novels for adults and another sixteen for children, and her book sales total nearly thirty million copies.

  The Okes have three sons and one daughter, all married, and are enjoying their fifteen grandchildren. Edward and Janette are active in their local church and make their home near Didsbury, Alberta.

  Contents

  1. For Love of Family

  2. Belonging

  3. A Difficult Decision

  4. An Exciting Adventure

  5. Nonie

  6. Wilderness Child

  7. The Ugly Side

  8. Acceptance

  9. Fire

  10. School

  11. Pain of Separation

  12. Adjustments

  13. Home Again

  14. Plans

  15. Visitor

  16. Hard Winter

  17. More Trouble

  18. Going Out

  19. Stirrings

  20. Amy

  21. Encounter

  22. A Meeting

  23. Back to the Wilderness

  24. Change of Plans

  25. A Heart at Rest

  Chapter One

  For Love of Family

  “Where is she?” The question seemed to pull from the depths of his anguished soul.

  The gray-haired woman opening her door to admit the tall, dark-bearded man standing on her step felt tears form beneath her eyelids.

  “Come in, George,” she said softly, waving her hand at the simple room behind her. “You look worn out.”

  She sensed his deep impatience and feared for a moment that he would refuse. Then with a sigh, he nodded his head and moved past her into the room.

  She closed the door, stopping first to look out on the busy street already bustling with the activities of another day. The world seemed to be going on as usual—yet she knew things would never be the same again for the man who had just come.

  She turned to him. She had known him for many years. Had seen him suffer before. Yet she had never seen the strong, manly face so tightly drawn, the broad shoulders so slumped, the clear, dark eyes so filled with pain. Today he who had never shown his years looked much older than the fifty she knew him to be.

  He was slumped in a chair across the room from her. Head lowered, he brushed at his beard with a large calloused hand, a habit she recognized. He always brushed at his beard when he was anxious or agitated.

  “She’s fine.” She answered his question as she moved toward him. “She’s in that little Home on Park Street.”

  His head came up, his eyes darkened. Was he angry? With her?

  “I tried to get them to let me keep her here, but they wouldn’t allow it. Said that with things like—like they are here—and such . . .” She paused, shrugged, then hurried on when she saw his eyes burning intensely, though not with accusation. “They said they could do nothing until—until they had been in touch with kin. I—I got word to you in the quickest way I knew. Isn’t a very good way of communicating—”

  “How long has it been?” he cut in.

  She stopped for a minute and did some mental calculation. “Almost three weeks since—”

  “Three weeks? Terribly long time—for a child.”

  She nodded at the grief and anger and frustration in his voice, feeling his pain.

  He stood suddenly, his dark eyes shadowing more deeply. “I’ve got to get on over there, Maggie,” he said brusquely.

  “You look worn out,” she hastened to repeat, wanting to keep him from doing anything rash. “You’d better take the time to eat some breakfast—rest a bit. They won’t open for another couple of hours anyway.”

  She was afraid she had lost the argument as he took a step toward the door. Then his hand came up and he began to rub his beard in agitation. At last he retreated and slumped back into the chair and nodded his head solemnly.

  “I’ve traveled day and night since I got your message,” he admitted. “I must look a sight.”

  “Well, I will admit if I hadn’t known you, I may not have opened my door.” The words were spoken lightly. He managed a bit of a smile.

  “You clean up and I’ll get us some breakfast,” she went on. “He
nry will be stirring soon and—”

  He lifted his head and looked at her, apology replacing the grief and anger in his eyes. “How is Henry?” he asked simply.

  The woman shrugged. There was really very little to say. Henry hadn’t changed over the months. The days came and went with little difference in his condition. He seemed to get no better—perhaps a little worse, but it was hard to tell.

  “About the same—I guess,” she said, her shoulders sagging.

  “Can I see him?” the man asked softly.

  She nodded toward the small room off the sitting area. “Go ahead. He’s likely still sleeping. He doesn’t usually wake for another half hour or so. Sometimes he wakens earlier—or during the night. But—but if he is awake, you won’t know much difference. He may not respond. He—” She stopped, knowing the man needed no explanation about Henry. He paid a visit to the sickroom whenever he was in the city.

  They had been good friends for years. Both big strong men who knew what it was to put in a good day of hard, back-breaking labor. As a younger man, Henry had been George’s yardstick, as he had been for most of the community where they’d been raised. Anyone who could keep up to Henry was considered to be a good worker and worthy of his hire. And now Henry lay on the same bed that had taken him to its bosom four years earlier. He could not even lift a hand to feed himself or brush the annoying tears from his eyes. Since the accident in the lumber mill, Henry had been paralyzed—totally paralyzed— and Maggie had to do for the big man all those things he had at one time done for himself.

  The visitor moved toward the door, his body showing his dread at seeing again his lifelong friend in such a crippled state.

  But Henry was still sleeping. George stood for some moments watching the rise and fall of his friend’s shallow breathing. Henry had lost even more weight since the last visit. Gaunt and pale, he looked so wasted that George barely recognized him as the same man who had won the log-sawing contest nine years running.

  George crossed to the foot of the bed and spoke softly to the unhearing man who slept restlessly. “I’m here, Henry. Been a long time. Should have come oftener—I know that. But I’ve been so busy—” He stopped. Would Henry want to hear of his busyness? Henry who couldn’t even move.

  He shut his mouth on the whispered words and studied the thin, useless right hand that lay pale and helpless on the coverlet. The callouses were gone now. The warm, deep tan from the summer sun had long paled. George stepped forward and took the thin hand in his own. The scar was still there. More visible than ever against the tissue-like skin.

  In spite of his resistance to tears, George felt them gather now. Were the tears for Henry? For himself? He didn’t know. He only knew that suddenly his world seemed filled with so much pain. Pain he tried desperately to keep within himself.

  He looked back again at the hand he held. That hand had been scarred on his behalf. He remembered the day well. Henry had risked his life to save him. And now Henry lay withering away on his bed, and there wasn’t one thing George could do about it.

  He placed the hand gently back on the patchwork coverlet and quietly left the room.

  “What do you plan to do?” Maggie asked the question as they lingered over another cup of breakfast coffee.

  The sigh seemed to begin somewhere deep inside him and gradually make its way through his whole being, ending with a little shudder.

  What did he plan to do? The words echoed in the air between them.

  “I must see her—as quickly as possible,” he answered Maggie, but both of them knew that his words did not really address the question.

  Maggie nodded and waited for him to go on.

  He shook his head, his eyes looking deep and troubled. His left hand stole to his beard again.

  “It’s so—so—so unfair,” he almost spit out. “For a child’s father and mother to be taken and—and leave her—alone.”

  Maggie nodded again.

  His head jerked up and his eyes filled with anger as he turned to her. “What were they thinking of, Maggie,” he demanded, “to leave a child and go off on some—some helter-skelter expedition into the wilds? Had they no—no thought of—?”

  Maggie reached out and placed her hand gently on his trembling one. “Now,” she said softly, “you know better than to think like that. After all, you’re the one who taught Mary to love those wilds. They’d made trips like that over and over in the past and nothing had happened. It was an unexpected accident, George. An unexpected and unexplained accident. Nothing more. It—it does happen. It doesn’t mean that they were uncaring or—or irresponsible parents. They loved her. Did everything for her.”

  “But—but—both of them. Why both of them? The two of them could swim. Why both of them? And why—why take on rapids that they couldn’t handle? Mary knew—they both knew the danger of—”

  He had to vent his feelings. He had been burying them deep inside ever since he had gotten Maggie’s message. He had to let those feelings out. And who better than Maggie to share his pain—his confusion.

  “The Mountie said there was a snag under the water,” Maggie explained softly. “A broken tree—with a jagged break. The canoe caught it and spun out of control. When they went in—well—they figure he swam to shore. He made it. His heavy boots were found there—on the bank—together. He must have placed them there. But—Mary. I know she was a good swimmer. But for some reason— she got into trouble. Maybe got a bump as they were thrown out. Guess we’ll never know.

  “But he went back for her.” She stopped and sighed. “We’ll never know,” she said again. “They went down together. Found their bodies downstream from the rapids. He was still holding her. Still had shreds of her clothing clutched in his fingers.”

  Hearing the story of the death of his daughter—his only daughter—and his son-in-law filled him with such pain and sorrow that some of the anger was pushed from his heart. There was simply no room for him to hold all the feelings. No room. He felt as if his heart would burst with pain. He wanted to bury his head on his arms and sob until the hurt went away, but he knew it was not that easy. It would be a long, long time until his heart began to mend and memories of his precious Mary would bring pleasure—not sorrow.

  Maggie wiped at the tears that ran down her cheeks. George wished he were free to express his grief as easily. He swallowed, hiding his eyes, brushing with an angry hand at the beard that shadowed his face.

  “Where are they buried?” he managed to ask, his voice shaky with emotion.

  “Beside their cabin—just at the base of the stand of spruce to the west.”

  He nodded. It was the place he felt Mary would have chosen.

  He stood up quickly, two conflicting desires drawing him. He longed to visit the grave of his daughter. The grave of the young man she had learned to love. The man who had given his own life in his unsuccessful effort to save her. Stu Marty. The man George felt he had hardly known—and now would never really know, though he had longed to claim the young man for the son he’d never had. But the miles—the miles had kept them apart. He could not leave his own wilderness—nor could he ask them to share it with him.

  And he also wanted to rush to his little grandchild. Little Kendra— now an orphan. His daughter Mary’s only child. The child he had not seen since she was little more than a baby. How he chided himself for his error. How he wished that he had taken the long journey, visited his daughter, her husband, her baby girl, more frequently. But there was no going back. No reclaiming of the years that had slipped by so quickly.

  “I need to go,” he said to Maggie. “I need to—” He stopped and licked his lips. He still had not answered her deeper question.

  “Sit,” she said, nodding her head toward his vacated chair. Only Maggie would have dared to address the big man in that fashion.

  He sat down. Silently. Dutifully.

  Maggie waited until she sensed he was ready for her to speak.

  “Have you made any plans?” she asked again
, softly.

  He shook his head, his left hand working vigorously on his beard.

  “Shouldn’t you?” she persisted after a pause.

  “I—I don’t know. I—I don’t know what to do—how to plan. I’ll need to work it through. Figure it out.”

  Maggie nodded, her expression telling him she knew it was hard to make plans. Hard for a man to be able to think when he had traveled so many miles in such a short time. To know how to properly respond to the present situation.

  “Where was she when—?” he began, and Maggie guessed his question.

  “They had left her with one of Mary’s friends. A neighbor. I—I think she might have wanted to keep her, but she is expecting her first baby. Had to come to the city for delivery.”

  He nodded.

  “She may be willing to take her . . . after,” Maggie went on.

  He brooded over her words. It seemed so—so difficult to think of trying to arrange for his grandchild. To “place” her. To farm her out.

  Just as though—as though she were some—some animal that needed care. He shook his head.

  “You know I would have taken her—would still take her,” went on Maggie softly. “But—but Henry—he needs so much care.” She hesitated, studying her thin hands as she rubbed them together in helpless agitation. “I—I really don’t think that—that this house is—is the right place for a child to grow up,” she finished lamely. “You understand?”

  She sounded so remorseful. So filled with shame that she couldn’t reach out to her friend in time of need. Her words wounded him. It was his turn to reach for her. He took her two hands in one of his own and gently squeezed in understanding. His tears did fall then. Full and unrestrained tears that made soft damp trails down the weathered cheeks and hid quickly in the heavy, dark beard.

  “My dear Maggie,” he said huskily. “I know that you’d help me if you could. I know that you loved Mary almost as much as I did. As Polly did. You couldn’t take the child in—with Henry needing you like he does. I don’t know—I’ll never know—how you manage to keep going day after day with all the care he needs. I—I—should have been here to help you. To—”