The Measure of a Heart Read online

  It was Mrs. Angus herself who broke the silence. “Cum laude means with honor,” she whispered in Anna’s ear.

  Anna’s eyes widened. With honor? That was very nice.

  Then a new thought struck her. If “cum laude” was with honor, what was “magna cum laude”? She did hope it did not mean without honor. Oh, poor Mr. Barker if it should mean that. To have it announced right out in public for everyone to hear. What a shame! What an embarrassment!

  At last they were standing, watching the robed and hooded young men make their way down the long aisles of the auditorium. She could bear it no longer. She leaned toward Mrs. Angus and whispered as softly as she could, “What does ‘magna cum laude’ mean?”

  The older woman could not hear her words and Anna had to repeat them louder, her face flushing with embarrassment.

  “What does ‘magna cum laude’ mean?”

  “That means with great honor,” returned the lady, and Anna felt her heart leap. Her Mr. Barker was the only one in the entire graduating class to receive the greatest of honors.

  Anna’s emotions pulled her this way and then that way. She was anxious to meet Austin Barker again. It had been two years since she had seen him—even though they had faithfully exchanged letters in the intervening time. Yet she was nervous about seeing him again. She had totally forgotten he was so nice looking—that is, if she had ever really noticed before. She had been far more interested in his books than she’d been in him. But as he had stood on the platform, receiving the reward for his work of four years, he had no book in his hand. Anna was forced to see the young man himself.

  Also, they were now in a different setting. One in which he was quite at home—but Anna was not. She was bound to be awkward and clumsy. She fervently hoped that she wouldn’t embarrass him in front of his wonderful parents.

  Again Anna wished she could just fade from the picture, but the crowd before and behind seemed to be moving them down the aisle and out the doors. Soon, ready or not, she would be facing the Barker family. Anna felt faint with anxiety.

  Mrs. Angus was pressing Anna’s gloved fingers. “We’ll see that you get together with the Barkers before we leave you,” she said in Anna’s ear. “Mr. Barker will take over from there.”

  With a crush of people all around them, Anna thought they might not make it out alive. She had never been in such a crowd before. She felt as if she could hardly breathe and longed to escape the press and get out into some fresh air.

  Anna wondered how the elderly woman was doing with her cane in the mass of human bodies, but Mrs. Angus seemed to be functioning all right. Anna reached out a hand to clasp the woman’s elbow and give her a bit of additional support.

  Reverend Angus was steering them both toward a side door.

  “I told Pastor Barker we’d meet him over here,” Anna heard the man say to his wife.

  They made it to the indicated door and there was Pastor Austin Barker. He shook hands heartily with Reverend Angus, then Mrs. Angus, lightly brushing aside their hearty congratulations on his achievements. Then his eyes turned to Anna. She saw the surprise that he could not mask. “Anna?” he said, almost in disbelief.

  Anna felt her heart sink. She had disappointed—or embarrassed—him somehow, and their time together hadn’t even started. She wished she could leave. That the floor would just swallow her up. She forced her head to lift so that she could meet his eyes.

  But it wasn’t disappointment or embarrassment that she saw there. Confusion. Surprise. Amusement. Anna thought she saw all three reflected in his eyes in quick succession. And then he smiled.

  “You’ve changed,” he said simply.

  Anna felt the color wash over her face. He knew that she had no business being dressed up in shiny new shoes and a lace-trimmed blouse. He knew she was pretending to be something that she was not. Maybe he was embarrassed—ashamed of her.

  She met his eyes openly, honestly, trying to get him to understand that it was for the sake of her family that she had come as she had. She would go back to being “Anna” just as soon as she returned to her own farm home.

  But Mrs. Angus was speaking. “Our little Anna has grown up,” she was saying, but there was pride and satisfaction in her voice.

  “Yes,” admitted Pastor Barker, but Anna thought his voice still was not totally controlled.

  “We must run. Our ride is waiting,” said Reverend Angus, and Anna felt her heart quake.

  I could go with them if you wish, she longed to say to the young man before her. Or I could walk back to the Willoughbys. I’m sure I’d find my way.

  But she couldn’t say the words. Anyway, he was still looking at her strangely; then he took her arm. “Come,” he said. “My folks are waiting.”

  There was really nothing to do but let herself be steered through the milling crowd and out the door.

  They did not speak again until Anna was presented to the senior Barkers.

  Mrs. Barker looked from her son to the young woman and back again; then she smiled and stepped forward.

  “Anna,” she said, extending her hand. “It is so nice to meet you. We have heard so much about you.” And she shook Anna’s hand warmly, one hand resting gently on Anna’s shoulder.

  Then her eyes lifted to her son and she spoke again. “We had come to think of you as a child, my dear. We thought of you as our little Anna for such a long time, and now I see that we should really address you as Miss Trent.”

  Austin Barker shuffled slightly. “Well—two years does make a difference,” he mumbled.

  Anna stood in confusion. She wasn’t sure what was happening.

  “Would you prefer to be addressed as Miss?” Austin’s mother was asking.

  Anna managed a wobbly smile. She didn’t understand the significance of the statement. She was Anna. Why would Pastor Barker’s mother want to change that?

  “Anna is fine,” she finally volunteered.

  The hand on her shoulder extended to slip around her, and Anna felt herself given a warm hug.

  “Good,” said Mrs. Barker. “Anna it will be. We have our little Anna still.”

  She seemed pleased with the thought, and Austin turned Anna to meet his father.

  Later Anna was presented to many of Austin’s fellow classmates. She was aware of eyebrows lifting. Of teasing smiles and playful nudges. But Anna was unable to understand the responses.

  Are they laughing at me? she asked herself. But she found them all to be so kind, so courteous, that she couldn’t believe it to be so.

  No. It had something to do with Austin. For some reason his friends were teasing him. Anna puzzled over it but at last was able to push it aside. She couldn’t sort it out. She didn’t understand the customs of this new world that she had entered.

  “May I see you back to the Willoughbys?” Pastor Barker was asking her.

  It had been a long confusing day and Anna felt more tired than if she had done a huge laundry over the wooden wash-board. And her feet ached in the shiny new shoes.

  She managed to nod her head and prayed silently that they wouldn’t have to walk.

  “I’ve borrowed a team,” Pastor Barker was saying. “If you don’t mind, I thought we could take a bit of a drive. This is the only opportunity I’ll have to see you, and I did want to have a chance to—to discuss—to—to talk—a bit.”

  Anna nodded again. She was so thankful to hear that they would be comfortably riding.

  They were out of the busy town and into the calmness of the countryside before Austin spoke again. He seemed to hesitate a bit—as though not knowing where to start, but then just blurted out, “I—you—I suppose you noticed my surprise when I saw you today.”

  Anna nodded.

  “Well—like my mother—I have thought of you as—well as a—a little girl—a child. I—I guess I described you to them in that fashion.”

  Anna’s eyes widened.

  “Well—I see that—that I’ve been—been badly mistaken. You are far from a child, Anna.”


  Anna did not know what to say. She was sorry that she had let him down.

  “I’m sure—with your perception—you also noticed the surprise and amusement of my fellow classmates.”

  “I did,” Anna managed to say.

  “Yes—well—you see—the joke was rather on me. I had spent two years telling them about—about this—this brilliant, eager young student that I was coaching—and then she turns up—an attractive young woman. No wonder they wished to razz me a bit. They could see for themselves that writing to you, teaching you, was no sacrifice. I suppose they now doubt my good intentions. Was it your beauty—or your brain? Any one of them would have been glad to be your teacher.”

  Anna swung her head around to look directly into Austin’s face. Was he serious? He appeared to be.

  Anna felt total confusion.

  “Well, I want you to know,” Austin continued in subdued tones, “that I still admire your keenness, your searching, your aptitude for spiritual things. You have taught me much, Anna. You have helped me to grow and stretch—almost as much as the theology texts. I want to thank you—and if—if you have no objections—I would like to continue our correspondence in the future—even though—even though you have—have grown up.”

  Anna reached down a gloved hand to smooth her fine gray-blue skirt. She dropped her eyes to her lap and answered shakily, “Of course.”

  She sensed Austin shifting beside her, but she did not look up again.

  “I—I still don’t know where I’ll be going. We are to be given assignments this week. There are at least three churches open.”

  Anna’s eyes widened. There had been nearly thirty young men who had crossed the platform to receive their degrees. What would happen to all of them if only three churches were available?

  “What will the others do?” she asked before she could stop herself.

  “What others?” asked Austin.

  “The ones who won’t get a church. Don’t all of those who graduated hope to be pastors?”

  “Oh—yes. But fellows come from many denominations to attend this seminary. They will go back to their own churches. Their own denominations. They will be pastors all across the country. Actually, we have only five young men from our church. And Reverend Angus wishes to retire—if a replacement can be found.”

  Anna felt a pang in her heart at that news. She had learned to love the Anguses. Yet she knew that they needed a rest—deserved a rest. She sighed. She would miss them.

  “Most of the churches want a married man,” Austin went on and Anna nodded. She knew that her home church would find it hard to welcome a bachelor into the manse.

  “There are only two of us who aren’t married. I think we’ll be asked to start mission works somewhere. Our district feels the need to reach new communities. It will be quite a challenge. Even for the new works they would like to—to send couples. They hope to start five new churches over the next ten years. That’s a rather ambitious goal. But the need is great.”

  Anna had never heard him talk so much. She looked at him and nodded, encouraging him to go on.

  “I think that I’d enjoy starting a new work,” he continued, then quickly added, “but I have left it in the hands of the Lord . . . and the church leaders. I am willing to go wherever they wish to place me.”

  Anna thought of the “magna cum laude.” Surely they would place him in some big city church where his intellect and abilities could be used to full potential.

  Darkness was beginning to settle in around them. He seemed to sense it at the same moment she did.

  “I must get you back,” he said quickly. “They will think I have kidnapped you.”

  Anna smiled to herself. A preacher—kidnapping? It was a strange and amusing thought.

  “You are taking the train home tomorrow?”

  “In the morning,” answered Anna and then held her tongue until he had turned the team and they were once again on the road home.

  “Maybe I will be able to read tomorrow,” ventured Anna. “I had told myself that I would have all those wonderful, empty hours to fill with reading on the trip here, but I couldn’t. I just kept—kept being distracted by all the—the strangeness and all the fascinating things around me.”

  Her voice had risen as she spoke, excitement making it tremble.

  “Like?” he prompted.

  “This woman boarded with this huge bundle,” said Anna, her gloved hands indicating the size. “It looked like laundry—or something—but we hadn’t gone far when it started to wriggle. Then the strangest noises, low and—and kind of guttural—started to come from it. She fussed and hushed and tried to push it under the seat, but it refused to budge—and then out came a head. It was a turkey gobbler. A full-sized gobbler. She had smuggled it on to the train.”

  Austin threw back his head and laughed.

  “Did she get away with it?” he asked her.

  “They made her get off at the next stop,” said Anna, sadness tempering her voice. “I felt sorry for her. What could one little old turkey hurt, anyway?”

  From there on they talked of Anna’s train ride, then switched to the book she had brought to read, and soon their discussion had turned to the rite and merits of baptism by immersion.

  Chapter Seven

  Changes

  Something had changed! Anna had expected to come back home to things as they had always been, but the familiar rut now seemed uncomfortable. She didn’t seem to fit anymore.

  Her family wanted a full account of all she had been witness to, and Anna was able to accurately and vividly describe the sights and the sounds of her adventures, but she was unable to share the change that had taken place within her. She didn’t understand it herself.

  Outwardly, she was the same Anna, back to simple garments, swinging a hoe or lifting laundry from boiling lye water in a steamy kitchen. She was still an obedient daughter, quick to respond when her mother gave an order or her father voiced a request. She was there when her little brother stubbed his toe on a rock, or one of the older ones needed a hand with forking the hay up into the loft. But a part of her, a very small part of her, was somewhere else, reliving another world. A world that she could not dismiss now that she knew it actually existed.

  But it wasn’t “her” world. It was the world of Reverend and Mrs. Angus. The world of the Willoughbys. The world of Austin Barker and the other young men who soon would be taking up the challenge of the ministry. Anna felt a sadness steal through her whenever she thought of this new world.

  She had not been home for long when she received a letter from Pastor Barker. He had been given his assignment. Excitement spilled out from the words on the page. He would be starting one of those new churches in a small town called Carlhaven. Anna left her room and entered the kitchen to ask her father where Carlhaven was and learned that it was a little town, roughly forty miles away, but forty miles to Anna seemed like a very long way.

  “Used to be called Carl’s Haven when my pa was a boy,” went on her father. “Fellow by the name of Carl Pearson settled there. Liked the spot, I guess, to give it such a name. Name got changed some over the years. When the town finally put up its little sign over the railroad station, they forgot the s and just made it one word.”

  Anna was glad for the bit of information. She wondered if Pastor Barker knew that piece of local history. She decided that she would pass it on to him in her next letter. She went back to her room to finish reading.

  “I am to start right away,” he enthused. “I can hardly wait to see if ‘the preaching of the Gospel’ works as well in practice as it does in theory.”

  Forty miles. He would be forty miles away preaching the Gospel. Anna began to pray for him and his new church every night.

  The Anguses did retire. A new pastor and his wife were sent to their little community. It was the first pastorate for Reverend and Mrs. John Clouse. They brought with them enthusiasm and plans for growth, and Anna enjoyed her trips with the milk deliveries in spi
te of the fact that she missed the Anguses.

  She had just returned home from one of those deliveries when Mr. Trent came in the door from a trip to town and handed Anna a letter. She had just received a letter from Austin Barker and couldn’t imagine two coming so close together, so she looked at the handwriting and realized at once that it was not from him. But in the corner of the envelope was an unknown address, and there above it was the name, plain as day, “Barker.”

  Anna frowned as she tore open the envelope. Was someone trying to play a strange trick on her? She certainly knew Pastor Barker’s handwriting after all the years of correspondence.

  But the letter was signed simply, Austin’s mother. Anna’s frown deepened. She did hope nothing had happened to Austin.

  It was so nice to meet you after hearing about you for so many months. I must say that I was a bit surprised, as our son had described you as a young girl—but as he said, two years does make a big difference. I must admit that I was rather pleased to find you a young lady. And a kind and gracious one at that. We do want to keep in touch.

  As you can imagine, mothers are rather protective of their offspring, especially the baby of the family, and Austin is my “baby.” Yet I thank God that He has called him into the ministry. I know there will be many difficult things for him in the future, but I can honestly say that I trust God to lead him as He wills.

  I am sorry that so many miles separate us. It would have been so much nicer for my husband and me if God had called Austin to serve nearby instead of almost a thousand miles away. He’s not awfully good about letter writing, either. Perhaps it is unfair of me to ask, but it would mean so much to me if you could drop us a line now and then and sort of pass on to us what is going on in his life—as well as your own, of course.

  We were so delighted to meet you. We have thought of you as our Anna for many months and hope that we may always do so. May God bless and lead you in all your future plans.

  Lovingly,

  Austin’s mother

  Anna’s frown deepened. It was such a strange letter. Why was Mrs. Barker asking her to keep in touch? And why was she assuming that Anna would be able to pass on information about her son?